i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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