would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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