okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
