yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You have to summon your inner elephant
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize