hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
