FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
