At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Never joke about your clitoris.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize