I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
