The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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