you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
