I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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