i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
