scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
