I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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