I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wish I only lived at night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I need moral support for this bender
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
