i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
