Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
