WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
