dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
