Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
