billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
