It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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