wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My balls are so social today.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
