I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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