I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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