Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
