The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
