just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
drinking out of a sandbucket again
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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