So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
