Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize