My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
