My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
