I showed him my bush... on skype.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
