i think i have herpe
just one?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
