Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Two words: blizzard sex
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
