Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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