it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
