Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
