You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
