All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize