im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
