I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
