420 ftw
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
