dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
