So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
