why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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