I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
