Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
