Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
