I puked a lego.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
