Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
