they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
