dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
