just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
