is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize