I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
