He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
