so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
third nipple confirmed
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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