also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
