The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
