why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My penis needs a shock collar
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
