Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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