Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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