so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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