going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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