anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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