how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
