I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
