How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
