You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
