You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Randomize