i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
