she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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